“We share our lives with the people we have failed to be” x
Nothing much of note happened to me, readers, as 23:59 flipped over to 00:00 on the night of 31 December 2019. Actually I spent most of the evening engaged in a friendly challenge with my recently-inherited sewing machine, the one that belonged to my Mum, as I grappled to turn some lovely Scandi birdy canvas fabric into a tote bag (based on this tutorial).
I’ve been on a sewing rampage since me and the sewing machine had our breakthrough, and I have YouTube to thank for that. I finally and once and for all breached the high, high wall of (mis)understanding and figured out how to thread and wind, what the buttons do, how to change a needle, and even how to change the foot. Drunk on the possibilities I started with a doggy bandana and moved on from there.
I have pretty big quilting plans for 2020, I must say (!). Certainly I am just focusing on crafty sewing for the time being as clothing patterns still scare me, but there might be a circle skirt in the stars for me at some point…. I’d like to combine a bit of embroidery and sewing and knock out a few handsome napkins or a tablecloth or two.
I think, mostly, 2020 will be the year of not putting pressure on myself to do anything in particular aside from surviving. That sounds dramatic though it isn’t intended to be; when I say ‘survive’ I mean keep myself on the straight and narrow, mentally and physically, as well as I can manage. There are a few areas that could approximately be defined as self-improvement I want to focus on, namely:
- Budgeting, frugal living, saving.
- Crafty stuff, mostly sewing adventures.
- Read at least 24 books (my Goodreads challenge is here).
I think that’s probably enough for now, especially for a useless sack of uselessness like me!! 2019 was an extremely hot mess. 2018 wasn’t much better. 2017 was pure disaster. The 2010s, all in all, was not my (the) finest decade. I’m not sure much truly changes as our calendar rolls over from one round number to another but I am willing to try to set intentions and take the opportunity to consider this a new a chapter if I can.
Recently over on Instagram I chose the words that were carrying me into 2020. Those words were: rootless, lost, solo.
I still feel the same way. I feel very lost and without purpose and my lack of blogging mojo reflects this. But what I’ve also learned about myself over the past 38.5 years is that for everything there is a season. These fallow periods come around. It’s okay. It’s inevitable, in fact. I keep my head down and work my way back around to function and purpose and meaning as well as I can. I think what’s truly changed for me over the past 6+ months is that I’m beginning to realise that I need to build a life on my own as I cannot and should not rely on others for my health and/or happiness. Independence suits me a whole lot better than daring to trust/rely on another human and I need to work on behaving in sensible grown-up ways so that I can trust and rely on myself fully. Lately all I really want to do is hibernate, and motivation is at a low, but I’m trying to push myself a wee bit and am reaching for a bit more stability.
That’s about all I know, friends. I still feel rootless and lost and solo. But now I also sew?
In the meantime, here’s a little Christmas retrospective. It was cosy and lazy.
Vulpe and me spent a lot of time wandering the park/nearby quays, or snuggling under a blanket on the couch.
I also listened to Sufjan’s Christmas album here and there (obvs).
I watched both seasons of Hellier which was enormous paranormal fun (though, ultimately, nothing much actually happens, but it’s awfully well put together and enjoyable to watch).
I watched a lot of sewing/quilting YouTube.
And, of course, I sewed!
How about you friends? Did you have a nice festive/winter break? Do you have much planned in 2020? How are you feeling about the start of a new decade?
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