This post will not be suitable for anyone who blushes at, or dislikes, talk of THE ACT, and probably anyone to whom I am related either by blood or marriage, because I am going to talk about those sexy, sexy times. You have been warned 💅🏻
Friends, it is Valentine’s Day, it’s Friday, and it’s a tremendous excuse to love YO’SELF in any way that makes you happy. I don’t care too much about V-day. I’m not particularly against it, you should definitely do you. But since this review was pending I figured why the heck not get it out there on a romance-themed day, yanno?
I received this product from Releaf in exchange for writing a review on the blog, however, all the thoughts and opinions expressed in this blog post are 100% mine yo!
First of all, a bit of storytime…. Y’all might know that back in summer of 2019 I had a bit of a personal revelation as my long-term relationship ended (or, after I was pretty unceremoniously dumped during one of the toughest times of my life, lololol) and Vulpe and me moved into a super lovely new pad together. I had been grappling with abandoning the radical concept of a monogamous relationship actually working for me, me with my long-standing record of choosing terrible and unsuitable partners and/or royally chuffing up any good thing that came my way. I am undateable, I am not designed to cohabit, I am not destined for love in the traditional sense, and what I finally realised is that actually, that is FINE! It’s fiiiiiine. Hoo-boy do I love my independence and living with the dog only. I love being entirely and 100% responsible for my own happiness. I openly admit to a mortal terror of emotional intimacy and co-dependency. So this solo-living thing works out just fine.
Here’s the thing, and I’m just gonna say it: I enjoy dating. I enjoy flirting and dates and all that jazz. I enjoy the fun of it all. I enjoy not taking it seriously. AND I LIKE FRILLY KNICKERS AND A GREAT BANG. I have body issues with the best of ’em and there’s a stubborn part of me that thinks anyone who wants to strip to their undercrackers and roll in the hay with me might have something a bit wrong with them, but I’m old enough to realise that actually I enjoy having fun even more. (Also, no kidding, no matter what the mainstream media tells you there are loads and loads of perfectly normal and diverse and lovely peeps out there who want to bang a fatty because humans are a rich and diverse tapestry and tastes are similarly rich and diverse. My fellow fats may empathise with not necessarily believing this is the case. It is. Trust me.)
And so in the summer of 2019 as I was having my personal revelation about monogamy and relationships, I resolved to do two things from then on: firstly, to protect my independence and continue nurturing my mortal terror of emotional intimacy, and secondly, to enjoy myself as much as I wanted to.
Since then, and following conversations with friends of mine, the term I’ve settled on to describe my relationship status is solo-poly. This means I have a small and select group of ‘secondary’ partners, and my primary partner is probably either me or the dog. Or both. Either way, 7-8 months later, this is totally working out brilliantly for me. I am stable in myself and reaallllly enjoying living alone and having my cosy wee sanctuary, and I am also regularly having fun and satisfying sexy times with some totally lovely guys who I am open and honest with about who I am and what I want. It only took me 38 years to get here!!!
All this is to say that I have a lot of Thoughts and Feelings about women living independently and choosing to do what they want to do with their bodies and revelling in the pure happy joy of pleasures of the flesh if that’s what you so desire. I enjoy it all very much indeed, and I have no interest in having kids or being not-safe so I am a big advocate of choosing the reproductive health/birth control option that works for you.
Personally, I am currently on my second IUD (first it was the Jaydess, and most recently I swapped out for a 5-year Kyleena, and you can read about my experience of having my Jaydess fitted here) and I love it so hard. The first few weeks are rocky for sure but for 5 years of top notch pregnancy-prevention and no periods, along with minimal hormones in my system, I am a huge fan. I know that IUDs don’t work for everyone, but after trying various pills and the implant, this is definitely the choice that suits me the best.
Along with the IUD I obvs also opt for condoms when I am at all concerned about where a willy might have been, and you might not know folks but condoms are not necessarily produced ethically, and will often contain or have used milk proteins in their production. Personally, I think that safety is key and you should use the condoms that are to hand for you, but when the folks at Releaf offered to send me a packet of their brand-new vegan-friendly and eco-friendly condoms I was super duper thrilled about it. HOW VERY ON BRAND FOR ME. Here is some great stuff about these condoms:
- Conceived (lol) in Hamburg, Germany, a fine city indeed.
- 1 tree planted for every condom bought (!!!) via the Eden reforestation project.
- Safe, sensitive, and actually smell pretty pleasant (I can confirm, yes, like a Granny’s knicker drawer, in a good way.)
- Totally vegan in production and in final product.
- Produced at fair wages and under good working conditions.
- Fairtrade rubber status pending!
And all this is VERY well and good, but how do they perform……during a performance? Well, I recruited a willing volunteer and we took ’em for a test drive. Here’s what I can report: the smell is genuinely not unpleasant! They are thin and definitely promote a good level of sensitivity for sure. They are, possibly, a tiny bit dry in and off themselves, so if you’re someone who struggles with that, then definitely have some rubber-safe lube handy, but it really isn’t anything problematic, just worth bearing in mind depending on your situation. My volunteer gave them his seal of approval and the two of us marvelled at the packaging and concept, both of which I am madly into.
All in all, I am very here for Releaf and I really hope that, as a start-up, they find great success. The online store is launching in March 2020, and here’s where you can find Releaf online if you want to keep up to date with when they start to sell:
I am thrilled to be able to extend my eco-friendliness to another part of my existence and I’m so glad the folks at Releaf are doing what they do. If you choose to have fun with your willy and/or other people’s willies, and you’d like to be safe, then I hope you consider planting a tree as part of your sexy fun time routine 💚
(p.s. Demand orgasms, and pee after sex yo 😘)
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