Posted in Life Mental Health

New Year, All Change

New Year, All Change Posted on January 18, 20174 Comments
Ahoy, hello! My name is Jenny. I am a thirty-something human female from Manchester in the north of England. I enjoy rainy days and sad songs, custard donuts and salt & pepper chips and beer, lentil dhal and fried okra, X-Files and Twin Peaks, fierce fat heroines and mental health advocates, dogs and cats and otters and a very special beirdo. To paraphrase Sylvia Plath: "I blog because there is a voice within me that insists on writing lots of ridiculous chuff".

Dearest Lovely Blogfolk,

It’s all been a bit quiet lately, hasn’t it? I had plenty of grand blog plans for festive recipes, Christmas dinner, Veganuary post(s), etc. But life, as it so often does, rudely stepped in and brought with it changes that were sad and difficult, and very much unplanned.

Before Christmas my long-term relationship ended. I’m definitely not in a place to autopsy it right now, and the split happened during the tail end of a pretty grim period of depression/fatigue and the associated withdrawal-from-the-world that is my mental health brace position. So I guess I haven’t done much analysis, except to say that I do regret that things didn’t work out, and I feel very sorry for any failing(s) on my part to keep the relationship cultivated and healthy. But I feel resolutely that this was the right thing to do, if painful in the short term.

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I am trying to let the positive voice take centre stage wherever possible at the moment. I am acknowledging and parking the negative thoughts and feelings as much as I can. I’ve even got a flipping mindfulness app and a counsellor, who gives me very sage advice and challenges my negative thinking. I have to write affirmations. IT IS HARD.

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So, life is really very much in flux right now. I am hoping to stay put in my current flat and am recruiting for a new flatmate at the moment. In the meantime, there are emotional and logistical hurdles for us both and I do sincerely hope that we navigate them positively and successfully, and each go on to find peace and happiness.

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One of the concepts my counsellor introduced me to was the idea of what we ‘let go’ when the going gets tough, whether through fatigue or depression, or whatever (there’s a fancy diagram with circles but I can’t remember its name right now). She says that we often start to let go of the things that sustain us (seeing friends, hobbies, etc.) and that it’s important to hold on to at least some of those, before they seem like impossible luxuries that we can’t reclaim/regain. So I’ve illustrated this post with a few pictures that represent what, I guess, has been sustaining me in recent weeks (lots of walkies).

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I am also grateful for the kindness of friends, Tofurkey sausage deliveries, mystery senders-of-flowers, givers of fancy vegan chocolate, the Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast, and a very understanding line manager. Here’s to focusing on the positive as much as possible <3


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4 comments

  1. I’m sorry to hear about the end of your longtime relationship. Even if it’s ultimately for the best, change is hard. I’m glad you’re taking care of yourself. Your walks look very peaceful, and sleeping animal friends have a way of taking the sting off a little.

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